Funny English phrases

Translation is always somewhat imperfect, with phrases and words at best being approximated in another language. So there will always be little oddities like the fact that saying “Ke kopa something” is the politest Sesotho way to ask for something, but translates literally to “I am asking for something,” and so a native English speaker hears it and naturally thinks, “Ok, so ask for it, what’s the problem?” But many of these translations end up being more amusing than annoying.

For example: I was walking around the school, unlocking the classroom doors one day, when I went past two third-grade boys and one of them shouted to me “Sir! Sir! He is scandalizing me!” Of course I was forced to turn around and say, “scandalizing you? Now boys, this is a very serious allegation. But, it’s my first time hearing from you, so I’ll let you off with a warning. However, I do not want to hear about anyone scandalizing anyone again. Do you understand?”

And very frequently during class a student will come up to me, holding his or her pen like a particularly smelly worm, and say, “my pen. It refuses to write.” And I say, “well, have you tried reasoning with it?” And they say, “some pens aren’t looking for anything logical. Some pens just want to watch the world burn.” “Very true,” I say. “You can borrow mine.”